Founded On Purpose

Founded on Purpose S2 E2: Kel Rakowski
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Kt: Welcome to Founded On Purpose. I'm Kt McBratney, and today I am joined by Kel Rakowski, artist strategist, tech advisor, writer and founder of Lex, the Queer Social App, acquired in 2024. Kel, welcome to the show. You too. Now, you've wrote about your journey with Lex a lot and your journey post acquisition in your substack work unseen. Um, but I'm curious, just to get us started off in one word, what's your purpose and how has that kind of guided your journey starting Lex to this moment?

kel: Yeah, I mean, this sounds like a big word and it's, but I feel like my purpose is really. All about love, like just bringing people together, finding relationships, friend love, love or love, all of the love. That's all I [00:01:00] really care about. Um, and so that was the impetus for really making Lex happen and still the impetus for what I want to continue to do.

Kt: It's, it's interesting because I'll often get asked like, oh, what's your best business book or the business book that shaped you the most? And without fail every time, and maybe this will change in the future, but it's been the same for years. I say Bell Hooks all about love has changed who I am as a leader.

Which then of course, like how, what shapes us in being humans is what shapes us in how we do business too.

That's really where Lex started, right? You started as a project on Instagram. things took off as, as those connections were happening, you moved from kind of organizing things through Google Forms and Docs to a true standalone app. It's what, 2019 Lexus launched within two weeks you had more than 30,000 [00:02:00] downloads. rates were off the charts. What was the sign or the first moment that you felt like, oh, this is bigger than a project. This is bigger than just a fun app, but this is, this is big and this is real.

kel: Yeah, I mean, it really was. That first day of launch, I, I was still at work, at my day job sitting at my desk, and I had an engineer who became our CTO for fall in Berlin, and he was helping me, like, we were like, okay, is it a go time? And I'm at my work desk and presses a button and, and it's live and we had like social lined up and stuff.

But um, yeah, immediately like. Just the energy I was feeling from people downloading it and the conversation, it, it felt like something was changing at the same time I had, because I wasn't from the tech [00:03:00] world, I had no concept of metrics downloads, what was good, what was bad. People had to tell me that things were going well.

Like I was vibing because I was excited people were using it. But, um. Like the actual, like reality of the business. Um, it was going well and women founder, some really great women founders that followed the story of what I was building, reached out to me and helped me build a pitch deck and go from there.

Yeah.

Kt: Right, because I think over time you, you all raised, I mean, you raised millions over the years of building,

kel: Yeah.

Kt: Is not easy for anybody, but especially in. In social, and especially with a certain community in mind that is often undervalued and not just underrepresented and underserved, but often valued as a really strong market.

kel: Yeah. Yeah. It was, it was a big thing because I, I [00:04:00] mean, when I pitched to investors, they loved the story and it was obvious that the community was really behind it. So it was, it was cool.

Kt: let's go back to like that. Those first few weeks, you feel like things are going good. You have people around you who are like, yes. We've been in tech, you're correct. This is, this is, this is a thing. What did those early days teach you about what kind of space the community needed?

kel: well, in the very early days it was like. Running off of like the energy that was on the Instagram, which was more of a dating product and more of like, kind of a sexy kind of, the way that people connected was they would write personal ads to each other, so they, a lot of the early users were huge fans.

Of the Instagram. So they were educated through that. But as we got new users coming in that had no idea about the [00:05:00] history and the Instagram, and it was just, they were found it on the app store. Um, we saw the use cases change where they didn't know the background and the lore of what was the, the inspiration for Lex.

But what they saw was a place where they could find friends, organize a band. Ask about housing, like, um, find places to eat in the neighborhoods they were visiting. Like it just started to spread into different directions, um, which was really cool and interesting to see.

Kt: The original inspiration for folks who don't know, and of

kel: yeah.

Kt: of juicy links in the show notes. So you can go down the Lex Rabbit hole like I have, um, and fall in love with everything Kel touches. Uh, but it was vintage Lesbian Personal Ads was the original inspiration behind it. And then ultimately, over the time with these different use cases emerging, shifted from dating only to [00:06:00] more broader kinds of connections As you thought about that. Rebrand or embracing those different use cases. you consider, right? Like this is a community first and foremost. It's people connecting. You're driven by love, there's a business opportunity. So how did you kind of decide how to prioritize community need with company success without compromising one?

kel: Yeah, I mean that is a very tricky thing to do, I think. Um, and I really had to enlist some help in the business side of things since I feel like I'm maybe not the most. Driven by, um, the business side of building a company.

But I know we always wanted to make it a place that was more accessible [00:07:00] and that you could find alternative ways to be part of the community even if you didn't have the funding. Um, so early on in, um, when it was on Instagram, there was a way that you could. Cover other people's cost of posting.

It's $5 to have your ad posted. Um, so there in the end, we actually generated more money because of opening up the avenues for people to be included

Kt: And in a way that was true to you and the brand,

kel: Yeah.

Kt: Kept it as a business, right? Because.

kel: But I, yeah. And then as we grew into like more of a VC back thing, it became more, um, I guess complicated.

Kt: That's a great

kel: Yeah.

Kt: put it, you know, to, to quote the late great money, mo problems. Just a different kind. let's go to that [00:08:00] time. So Lex is fully running. You've raised money, you are learning more about the pieces of building and creating and connecting that you love. And the pieces that aren't your favorite and ultimately you, you stepped back for a while for your own benefit. Talk us through that because I, that's something that is really, can be stigmatized, especially when put through different gender and identity lenses in this industry and perceived as a sign of when ultimately it can be a sign of really great strength.

kel: Yeah, it's a very, first of all, like building a company from scratch and being a CEO founder is the hardest thing. I, I really, and, and I, um, went into it in like a way that was open and like I would, I was like driven by learning. Like I loved learning all the [00:09:00] processes and from hiring to pitching, like I really did enjoy a lot of it.

Um, but after a while you start, what was really holding me back was my own self and like. Being too hard on my person, um, and not feeling like I fit, fit into different places in this world because it's a very, um, it's a different world than where I was coming from, which was design and art. The language and the voices and the words and everything.

So I, I think I was a little hard on myself looking back. Um, but along the way I kept trying to make myself feel more comfortable and find my own place in this company. And so I brought on different people that were really great and helped me feel more confident in what, where I was. Um, but [00:10:00] then it got to a place where I just.

Really wasn't feeling well mentally, and I felt like I needed to step back. Um, and a lot of other founders who I was friends with reached out to me and they're like, I wish I could do what you are doing right now. Like, it is a dream. Uh, it's like a lot of people. Um, it's just a really, really grinding world to be in.

Kt: And thank you for sharing your story and you've been doing it before this podcast, and I have a feeling you'll continue to, and that's something, you know, during my founding time, I experienced a new kind of burnout. I'd been burned out in my career in previous versions of it before startups, and it was something different. Um, and it was really interesting when I shared that just kind of casually with like a one line tweet, not a cry for help, just being vulnerable and being earnest on main, which um, I think you and I have in common. And a similar [00:11:00] response. People saying, I could say it out loud. I wish I could do something different about it. What, looking back what? Do you think enabled you or allowed you to allow yourself to do something about it versus

kel: Yeah.

Kt: Trying to keep pushing through?

kel: Yeah, I mean, ironically let's, um, actually one of my investors like, uh, um, a conversation I had with him, I, I, I did have really amazing supportive, great investors. Um, and we, he, they hosted a summer camp. Um, and it was a great experience 'cause I was around other founders and it was a very like, um. It was a place that they were trying to make sure that founders felt supported mentally and everything.

And I guess what I was sharing was a little intense, so my investor checked on me [00:12:00] and that's when I was like, like I, he must have said something like, Are you okay? I was like, no, and I don't think I can do this anymore. And like, really him just like observing me and like. Caring was a huge, like, it felt like an olive branch because you're afraid to let people down.

Um, and so yeah, that's kind of What happened. The Breaking Point.

Kt: That's beautiful that it was an investor

kel: know.

Kt: who was happening because there's a perception and also

kel: Yeah.

Kt: a reality that that's not usually the case. That investors are just there to get their money back. And that's, you know, certainly literally the job of an investor is to generate returns and also it's a long-term relationship and like any long-term working relationship, hopefully Right. Pulling in that thread of love again. There's care

kel: Yeah,

Kt: and you, you said the word he, he cared.

kel: [00:13:00] He did.

Kt: Talk about that a bit more about this element of care you had been giving out to other people, but were then receiving.

kel: Yeah, I, I guess you're, as a founder, CEO, you're trying to make sure, or I was very much trying to make sure my employees were doing well and caring for them, but it felt like. I mean, the adage of like, your, the founders are always alone, like, it, it was in a way that although I, the, the investors I had were just like, I don't know.

I was just really lucky. But I think also the product and, and everything attracted the right people to, yeah.

Kt: That's the thing. It's like they talk and you know, we, we focus on early stage and even before joining Renew early stage is like my favorite. I love being like an idea. Something that's brand new and imagined, let's make [00:14:00] it

kel: Yeah.

Kt: Um, and then, and like there's again, the adage is like, oh, they, they invest in the founder more than the product.

And the idea, which is true, and the problem and the opportunity you're trying to solve is deeply linked to the founder. And to your point, it attracts it. It can attract the right people and also have some people who wouldn't be a good fit kind of self. Select out. and I really appreciate you talking about having investors who were good for the business and good for you as a person. so, okay, so you've stepped back as CEO Jen, your co-founder has stepped into that role. As you moved out of the day-to-day and she moved towards the acquisition, what did your relationship to the community feel like? Did it change? Did it deepen in different ways? What surprised you?

kel: Yeah, I, I mean, partly I, I, I needed. [00:15:00] A little bit of a break from everything and everyone, so I think I took a social media break and I just needed to like maybe. Um, let go of everything I was trying to control, um, in order to feel more at peace. So in a way I just needed to, to take a step back from the whole community part in reality, um, in order to like feel good again.

Kt: Yeah. I as somebody who also built a community, I guess product, right, for lack of a better word, a community led business, it's not an accident that your substack is called work unseen because so much of that work, even in an executive founder role community and is care. You've already mentioned caring for your team, caring about the community, and. Sometimes that can get a bit out of balance where you need to almost take [00:16:00] yourself out to care for yourself.

kel: Yeah. And I think there's probably ways I could have managed that better. And it was a, a big learning curve to, to realize that I can't solve every single problem. Um, so I think that's part of like me, why I needed the time to step back and like learn how to have some boundaries and things like that.

Kt: Yeah.

kel: Yeah.

Kt: Okay. So Jen is managing the day to

kel: Yes.

Kt: taking care of Kel. The company has had what, a million users, zero marketing spend, which is just a phenomenal story. And, and I'll drop some links so people can, who are like salivating on the, that idea. They're like, what? How, why? We got you. Nine count comes and is like, yes, let's do an acquisition. You're always the co-founder of the company, even if you're not active as. CEO. What was that like having the acquisition [00:17:00] be public you being the one running point on it?

kel: I mean, I, I'm very not into the ego part of the thing, so I was very happy. I mean, I was. I was trusting in Jen that we would, she would make this happen and it was really a great solution to where we were at that time. Um, and I'm really happy that it worked out that way. And I think earlier in your intro to the, this podcast you were talking about like the binary, it's not like you are sitting on.

Millions, billions, or you're like failing. There's like an in-between world. And I am really happy that we managed to like keep Lex going, using a company that understood [00:18:00] what we were trying to do and respected Lex.

Kt: That gray area is where so much of it happens and world we hear in maybe media narratives, LinkedIn, like all of those places that people outside of the company. Your exit and they think like yacht, No more problems. Everything is perfect. The reality usually is not that. And when it is, great, good for you.

Please be sustainable in your choices. Um, but as you think about that, like navigating that gray against this perception that you just won the lottery, boundary or practice. Kind of protected you from a lot of that external froth.

kel: Well, I mean it when I was, when I speak to like people IRL. I, I can get [00:19:00] real with them about what's happening. Maybe on LinkedIn I'm not so much, but I mean, I'm just really excited and proud and happy that we are able to build something from nothing. Make it exist. Make people, thousands of people, fall in love, find relationships, friendships, and then tie a bow on it by.

Passing it to someone else that could keep it alive. And that's the most important thing. And I'm really proud that it was able to see through to the other side where Jen and I now aren't involved. Um, and it's in the hands of other people.

Kt: No more board meetings.

kel: No, and yeah, I, I mean that's kind of the process of all of this.

I guess for me as, um, my [00:20:00] work relationship or in horoscope land, I'm a Pisces in my work sector, so I really just flow with what comes and I'm not someone that will stay or need to stay on something forever, and so I was happy to let this part of my life pass through. And now I'm seeing what's coming next.

Yeah.

Kt: Pull on that a little bit more. your relationship with the word success now as you are flowing into this and, and

kel: Yeah.

Kt: through this next chapter?

kel: I mean, I do have like a difficult, I have a difficult, uh, way around that word of success, confidence, all of that stuff. Um. But I, I am starting to feel more proud and that like this thing, I was [00:21:00] able to make something happen and like, if not, come away with like. Million, billion dollars. I came away with knowing I put so much love in the world and people coming up to me and saying, I met my partner on L.

I made all these friends on. Like that's really when you drill down into the world and what you wanna leave as your memory. I mean, that's like the greatest thing you could ever have.

Kt: you've built Legacy

kel: Yeah,

But like, it's not valued in our world. You know? It's hard to be like, Hey, um, LinkedIn, look how valuable I am. I made all these people fall in love.

Kt: Right. I don't know. I think that there's, there's, there's a subgroup of us who would be like, yes. Yes. So I, I will

kel: Yeah, and it ties into the [00:22:00] i the bigger story or like more of a professional career is like the building of the community and bringing people together and making people feel safe and understood. And yes, I can do that too.

Kt: well, and it was like you were always centered on that. That need, that need for human connection, the need to facilitate that, the, like, the joy and the magic of facilitating that. took the form of an Instagram project called Her Story that turned into Lex, that turned into a successful company that was acquired. the need still, the need in that drive still exists within you.

kel: Yeah.

Kt: us full circle from her story on Instagram through the rise and acquisition of Lex. exit. Where are you filling that kind of, that cup to help people connect and to put more love in the world?

kel: I mean, I'm still thinking, so now I'm like in this reflective stage of my [00:23:00] life and thinking about like there's always been such an importance. Between me and the internet, or me and social media as using that as a way to connect with people and make friends and meet new ideas and really find partnerships that carried me throughout my life.

From a OL to Instagram to TikTok, whatever. It's always,

Kt: brief interruption. What was your A OL username?

kel: Sonic, KAR. So it was Sonic for Sonic Youth, and then my initials.

Kt: I was hyper Kt.

kel: I love that.

Kt: So, uh, yes, I see you. I see you. My,

kel: Yeah.

Kt: chronically online friend. Okay.

kel: Yeah, so, so I'm like reflecting back on like, okay, what is this about my life story and the internet and me using it to find [00:24:00] people. Um, and I'm starting to think more about like the importance of the URL to IRL pipeline, because that just has consistently since I was 15 fueled. Different kinds of creative projects, different kind of partnerships and lifelong friends.

Like you could meet people online and then meet up down at the coffee shop and end up becoming like life friends. And so I, I wanna start thinking about that more, that continuum of the ur, the URL to IRL. Cycle and how much creativity and friendship and love can flow between that if you're open to making that happen.

So I know a lot of people are still uncomfortable about connecting with people from the [00:25:00] internet in real life. Um, for me it's so like embedded in my being. Um, I try to make it. Try to show like the positive time, the positive side of that, that equation and like all the great opportunities that you can have in your life just by sending a DM or making a connection.

Like I just, I think it's endless so that that's like one positive note and I think it's definitely flowing through till now.

Kt: How do you think your, your work with, with Lex informed how you approach that now? Right? You, you went through a lot as you said, it is an incredibly hard job to be the founder and CEO of a startup. What pieces of of that era are you taking with you into this and what are you choosing to leave behind?

kel: what I wanna take with me is that just that it's still the strive to make. People find each [00:26:00] other, um, and grow their worlds and grow their ideas and projects and everything, friendships. Um, but I think what I would leave is I don't necessarily need to build like a whole company around that.

Um, and so I am, I'm just playing around right now with like, I, I'm going back to herstory. I, I started posting again. I'm telling more of my own story, my life stories, and like sharing different ways that I like practices. I have to stay creative or make friendships and like, so I, I'm sharing more. I just started like literally this month.

Um, but I am. In a process of continuing that and then maybe working on a book that will talk more about my whole thing, um, what I'm doing. So I, I keep [00:27:00] on clarifying my message, keep on clarifying what I'm trying to do in the world next. Um, and I, I came back to Instagram, fortunately, unfortunately, I don't know, I, I just, um.

I left for many years when I was working on Lex. I didn't have time to really do much, and um, I'm coming back to Instagram because it is like my core audience has, has been there, and so I'm also trying to expand and find you people describing myself as your big. Gay sister that lives in New York and she has stories to tell and like life lessons and share ideas and yeah,

Kt: And that's been a part of your journey and post acquisition and really releasing Lex, right? Even though you had stepped outta the day-to-day, you weren't in meetings and managing the KPIs anymore, there was still a [00:28:00] piece of it that was, with you until this acquisition went through. Now that you. Don't own any of it anymore. And that tie has changed, right? It's always a part of you, but it's changed. How has that allowed you to not just have time to find yourself, but how has that anchored the clarity in the work you're doing now? I.

kel: Yeah, I think it was just really nice 'cause I could actually just put it behind me in a clean way that let me just like. Be my own person again, instead of being the CEO of Flex

Kt: Oh

kel: and everything needing to be about that online. And I realized I felt very stifled because I couldn't really express myself beyond CEO of Lex on the internet.

So I, I am like, yeah, finding my voice by letting go of that past, which,

Kt: Doing it [00:29:00] in a way that's authentic to

kel: yeah.

Kt: And URL through creativity, expression, writing. I even, you know, I remember there's, with every acquisition, there's like the official company announcement, right?

kel: Yeah.

Kt: And you, you took a beat before you shared your own announcement. Why, why was it important to you to, to take the time to. Reflect and find how you wanted to express this moment of your journey.

kel: Yeah. I mean, I think it's just, it's a lot to. To process. Um, and I just, yeah, needed to give some space and then talk about it. Um, and I, yeah, now I'm just like living my life without thinking about Flex all the time, which is also very nice.

Kt: Yeah, it's super interesting when after, after, you know, like I left my company and I moved on, and of course there was moments of pride and grief and multiple things existing at [00:30:00] the same time. Um, and there was a moment where I was like, oh, it feels like a freedom of a sort. Not because anything was holding me back or holding me down. Necessarily, I just had a different set of responsibilities for this thing that was now no longer mine to carry. and so it's, to even hear your story and see your story very, um, I don't know, felt very validating and very real we hear kind of these flat narratives of like, so and so. this pattern, raised a ton of ton of money. Built a big company. Now they're rich and they're doing the same cycle. Um, and as someone who also doesn't have the traditional founder to, to VC path hearing how not just you got to, to where you were, but how you're moving through it, it's really important for a lot of founders to [00:31:00] hear even folks who. Might decide that they don't want to build something to that scale, which is an absolutely okay choice.

kel: Yeah.

Kt: is absolutely a good choice if it's right for you. So this, this visibility right of saying my story doesn't start and stop with my company,

kel: Yes.

Kt: a break kind of in the, in the, in the noise of the feed.

kel: Yeah. Um, and I, and I'm trying to, um, moving forward. I, I guess I was very uncomfortable with where I was coming from, um, and how I presented myself when I was in the rooms with these, the business side of things. Um, and I'm trying to just like own it, like this is myself. This is who I am and not be so, um, kind of put myself down about it.

It, [00:32:00] it's just probably the big biggest learning. And I'm like, I would love to encourage more people that maybe don't fit the, the role or fit the narrative. To do their own thing. Their own. And there's so many ways that you can do it now, with or without investors.

Kt: Yes, absolutely. Completely

kel: Yeah,

Kt: Um, okay, to honor kind of season one where we had the same eight questions, are you down for a little

kel: yeah, yeah. Let's

Kt: Okay. What was your most recent win?

kel: go. I just wrote this down, um, because. I am so bad at, um, uh, content calendars. I know this is boring, but I planned a whole week of content, like I made the actual content for a whole week and that is huge for me. 'cause I run on the dopamine [00:33:00] hit of like meeting to post and then it go live immediately. And I talked myself down off the ledge and I made four different posts and so that.

For me right now, it's a big one.

Kt: Those matter. Those matter. All right. How do you know what advice to take and what advice to say? Thank you next.

kel: Um, I think if it's something that I've been like mulling on for a while and it's clicking in pretty easily and makes sense, then I'm gonna take it.

Kt: Today you are very multi hyphenate in a, in an integrated way, right? The through line and also this purpose of love is still strong and apparent through all the different roles and different ways in which you work, at least from the outside. What's the best thing about your job today and what's the hardest?

kel: The best [00:34:00] thing is that I have full creative control. No rules, and I'm just in charge of everything myself, which I love. Um, the hardest thing is, is maybe having no one to kind of talk through ideas with, because I am alone and I really love working in a partnership. So I, I struggle with feeling a bit one sided at times.

Kt: I, I hear that also it, for me, it ties back to that I struggle with some of the same things in your small win where I'm like. I fully know my capacity and my capabilities, and I'm also not my best. I, I am, I'm a great leader of teams and I'm not a great self-manager sometimes. So I, this, this, this feels, feels a little kindred.

kel: Yeah.[00:35:00]

Kt: Let's close around. Thinking about your. Your journey, right? Like from herstory to herstory again, right? Like from Instagram to Lex to Instagram, writing, all of that. Finish the sentence, letting go. Created space for.

kel: Letting go. Created space for.

Kt: It's beautiful and you're sharing it with us, which is also just a joy and so. Amazing to witness you work through and flow into this next chapter. So for folks who are already not following you on the internet, where are the best

kel: Oh yeah. So yes, I've started up herstory again, which is on Instagram, it's hco, eCore, et cetera, et cetera. [00:36:00] Um, and then on Substack, I took a break this summer, but I'm coming back strong. I start posting again next week, um, on work unseen, but the Substack Rakowski with three w. That, I don't know. It's not, I'm sure you're gonna link to it.

I,

Kt: I will because not everything has to be for SEO or the algorithm,

kel: yeah,

Kt: right? We can have a little something for ourselves that is fun on the internet, please and thank you in this dark timeline.

kel: Very true.

Kt: Uh. Thank you so much. This is always so fun. What else? Any other shout outs or anything else that you wanna mention or share while you've got the mic in the audience?

kel: Um, if you're, if you wanna get off Spotify, try NTS radio. That's what I'm, I'm like locked into NTS radio, which is a,

Kt: I.

kel: It's like a community user [00:37:00] run radio station and you pay a subscription and it's DJs all over the world. And the, that's cool. Music. It's really cool.

Kt: Would you, would you be as kind as to maybe link us to a playlist later or some recommendations on there?

kel: Yeah,

Kt: Awesome. Because AI can do a lot, but AI cannot replicate human creativity and curation. Mm-hmm.

kel: So much.

Kt: I love it. We love a plug that is like, here's the thing I genuinely like and love and want other people to share. And if that isn't coming full circle with the purpose of love, I don't know what

kel: I dunno.

Kt: Kel, thank you again.

kel: Thank you.

Kt: fun.

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